The Midnight Meat Train tells the story of Leon, a photographer, (insert Bradley Cooper here) looking for his big break in New York. After being instructed by a prominent photographer named Susan, played by Brooke Shields, yes, Ms. “you wanna know what comes between me and my Calvins”, Brooke Shields, to find adventure in the city. Leon’s search for success leads him to photographing a model, who later goes missing. Leon then consumes himself with her disappearance, which leads him to following a mystery man he spots on the train, that he is convinced is responsible for these missing people. Insert butcher (played by Vinnie Jones) here. Leon follows the butcher around for a few nights, like any normal person would, and eventually witnesses the butcher, named Mahogany, murder people on the train. Leon learns that the conductor of the train is in cahoots with Mahogany and that Mahogany feeds the dead bodies to the monsters that live under New York City. Yes, the monsters under the city. The movie’s ending can be guessed when the credits are still rolling in the beginning of the movie. It ends with, drum roll please, Leon taking over for Mahogany and becoming the person responsible for feeding the creatures under the city with his victims from the train! Good one guys, good one.